Butterfly hit it on the head. When I was hung over or in shame, I would swear off drinking. Hangover over, I feel better! Where's that next drink? Now when I feel that way, I swear it off, only for today, and so either a reading, go to a meeting, or read SR.
When I relapsed, my family would always find out, or my lover, there was no hiding it from anyone with me. It was hard, because not only did I feel guilt and shame for all the dumb sh*t I did, I got my balls broke by my family and ex g/f.
The fact of the matter is, for the mess I have gotten myself into over the last three years, no one sane would continue to drink or use.