Least, you are not alone. Late last year my depression got so deep that when I got in the car, I was either going to stop at the mental health center and get started back in therapy again, or drive over to an old roommate's house that I have the key for, grab his Glock, stick it in my mouth, and pull the trigger.
I opted for plan A, thank God.
I never EVER thought I was going to get back out of that abyss. I requested a medication evaluation with the resident psychiatrist there. Don't get me wrong. I have a wonderful doctor, knowledgeable in addictions, but the anti-depressant 'seemed' to be failing.
It took some medication tweaking, an increase in the anti-depressant, adding a second anti-depressant to combat the restless nights and 20 pound weight loss I had gone through, regular sessions with my therapist, and just within the last month the light is starting to shine at the end of the tunnel, and it's not a train coming at me!
Through it all I continued to attend my AA meetings regularly, talk to my sponsor, work the steps, am now sponsoring two other women.
I was over 17 years
sober when this last really bad spell hit me, so you are doing incredible for your circumstances
Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens, my friend