Dixie, I am not saying that your feelings are not legitimate, but for a second take a step back and just try to be grateful that he is in rehab, that he is getting another chance at living a clean life and for now you can let go of worrying about him killing himself with his drugs. I know that it is hard to stay in the moment, but worrying about the what ifs are taking you away from the what is. Your son is clean. (Something we moms would give anything for.) Hugs, Marle