(((Dixied)))
I think the detachment is totally normal and also a good thing. To me, it just means that you are focusing on YOU and your life, and not getting dragged down with his addiction.
As far as amends, I can only give you my experience. I was fortunate enough, that when I got out of jail/diversion center I had a job. My first "amend" was to pay dad back for his paying my fine to get me out of the diversion center (they charged rent, limited the hours I could work there, and basically KEPT me in debt so they could keep making money, so dad paid the fine). I worked as often as I could, got a motel room on the bus route, since I didn't have a car, and I paid my dad as much as I could, as fast as I could....$2500 in 2 months.
He got me a phone on his verizon account, but I paid for the phone and a few months bills in advance. I could have gotten another type of phone on my own, but it would be twice as expensive and since I was being very responsible about paying bills and trying to save money, dad got me on his account (it's less than half what the other phone would have been).
I used income tax to get a car, at an exorbitant interest rate because of my credit, but it's rebuilding my credit. When I got sick, had to be in the hospital for a week and out of work for a month, I moved home. As soon as I went back to work, I began paying dad $100/week. It not only makes ME responsible, it helps him out.
I call and check in....I let them know when I won't be home (and which friend I will be with)...and I've saved enough money to get my own place, but can't right now because of legal issues (background check mistakenly says I'm a convicted felon and cannot rent any apt.).
I am being hit with collection accounts from 4 years ago and I've made arrangements with them and am slowly paying them back. I don't hang around anyone that does drugs. I do still keep in touch with some friends from my past, but it is by mail or phone, and only because they always looked out for me and are very supportive of me staying clean.
I guess, just the fact that I'm being responsible and dealing with my legal/financial consequences, that my family has complete trust in me. I'm 46, and a lot of things I do, make me feel like I'm being treated like a kid again, but I totally understand that my family has every reason to worry if I don't call, disappear, or don't answer my phone, which was always a clue that I was using.
I've had to borrow money from dad a few times, when my car broke down and I didn't have the $$...I always paid him back very quickly. I can proudly say that I haven't had to borrow from him in several months.
I don't know how your son will make amends, but I do know that when we are determined to be in recovery, we find ways. As always, our actions speak way louder than words.
The best thing you can do, is keep the focus on you. When I'm struggling, my dad says "I'm sorry" and I know he is. But he doesn't offer to take care of the situation for me, and I've always found a way to deal with it. It keeps HIM from getting dragged into my situation, and it gives me more confidence that I really can take care of things all by myself.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy