Sailor J-
Congrats on a "big finish!" I can relate to having to dip a toe in the pond one more time to be sure I don't want to swim in there again. Y'know I've read before that when someone dies it is actually healthy to view the body for the loved ones because the human brain has such a bizarre capacity for denial and viewing the body puts that final indisputable evidence into our resisting brains.
Sounds like you went to the wake of your relationship.
I hope the days ahead return to sanity, normalcy: good clean fun!!
Peace,
B.