Thank you, Anna, for the welcome. I agree, the hiding is exhausting and the lying made me feel so contemptuous. Fear is a big factor for me...fear of abandonment, fear that someone won't like me, fear of failure, fear of ADMITTING failure, well it just goes on and on. The thing about the early sobriety thread that appeals to me is that the AA groups I attend have a lot of "old timers" and I feel shy/scared about admitting how hard it is for me on a day to day basis. Even though I know that every old timer had a first day, first week, etc, it's just so intimidating to me. Anyways, the thread of people reaching out in day 1, day 10 and the daily struggles is a comfort (and inspiration) to me. I know that I'm not alone. Because (outside of AA), I'm the only alcoholic I know, I can screw myself into thinking that there's something wrong with me, morally unfit, etc. This forum is good for me in that it reinforces that we are everywhere and that the struggle is real for all of us in our daily lives, regardless of the length of sobriety. Again, thank you for being there for me.