SickOfLies, I am learning to be hopeful for myself- to rely on myself for what I need. I used to hope my AH would get sober- for himself, for me, and for our daughter. Now I realize I can't put my life on hold- holding out hope that this person I've invested so much time and energy on will get healthy. Yes, I do hope he find real recovery, but I know I need to think about what I want now. I am turning the energy I used to spend on him towards myself. I go to al-anon, journal, go to counseling, and come here for support. This is a great place for that. Basically, taking the focus off him is allowing me to finally have some hope for MY future. (((Take care of yourself)))