PrettyViolets

Has having an alcoholic in your life affected how you view drinking personally and socially for yourself? How do you feel about hosted bars? How do you deal with social drinking situations now?

I am basically asking this question because before I met my husband I really did not drink very much--occasionally wine, pina coladas, strawberry dacquiris. My husband drank a lot, and I tried new drinks with him. At most I have been tipsy , but I have never been drunk. I learned to like Jameson and Martinis. I felt like I was experiencing a fun social life by hanging out at bars and with other friends.

But when the alcoholism progressed --it is like our social life went kaput. Now that he is in recovery, we have to decline parties where we think that will have a lot of drinking. We left early from a wedding that had a hosted bar. I like my company holiday party--it has a nonhosted bar--and my husband has done well there because there is a lot to do.

And I know that etiquette is that a host should always pay for their guests, even the alcohol. But I also respect the host who wants a nonhosted bar because they are setting a boundary. For me, my husband was the worst in hosted bar events or parties where there was a lot of liquor, so it was difficult to enjoy these situations--I was more stressed out about how I was going to get through the situation.

And within the last 8 months, I have met a couple of times with my friends and taken a couple of sips of wine. I went to Red Robin a couple of weeks ago and had one strawberry dacquiri. I guess I feel guilty and do not like the taste of alcohol knowing that my husband is in recovery.

I am sure eventually I will either just not drink (socially) alcohol ever again or I will only drink a little bit of wine when I am around my friends. I like wineries because they are romantic (but for the time being, wineries can wait).

I want to set a good example to my husband, and his family and I are committed to his recovery and not drinking around him.