Originally Posted by
Bernadette 
...when he was here I was bad about saying stuff about him in front of the kids or being sarcastic.
Gosh I fell so horrible about that now never expected him to leave I guess. Never thought it would be so bad.
hey Lostnow- just caught up with this thread again- and wanted to send you some reassurance!
it's nearly impossible to react rationally when someone who is causing so much pain continues to behave in ways that make you cuckoo. Make a plan- have a friend who loves a good bit*h session that you can call and say all bad things you want/need to say about your ex -- or have a journal where you can write stuff down (and if you have a fireplace I've always found that ritually burning these notes is very cleansing!!!!)
secondly- you wanna blow your kids minds and also teach them a lesson for life- try HONESTY! call a "family meeting" (my kids were like whaaaat??? but when they saw cookies at the table they were into it!!) and confess that you feel bad about the crap you were spewing about their dad. That you were angry but went too far in taking it to the level of personal attacks, and so you just want to apologize to them for speaking about their father in that way! They'll be open-mouthed, and open minded!
We cannot be perfect or react perfectly every time - and the stress of single parenting can be overwhelming at times. But if we own up to our shortcomings and honestly apologize (no justifying!!) - and do our best to make amends and change ourselves for the better then....that's a huge lesson for them and it is the RIGHT thing to do!
Don't beat yourself up. The past is gone. You are free in this moment!
Remember there are many single parents soldiering on just like you!
Kids need to know that - regardless of what is happening now - they were the product of LOVE.
We can't be perfect but we can be good enough!!
Good Luck -
Peace,
B.
Thank you I burn letters I write to my husband, it does wonders for me .
I have a bit%h fest with my sis almost every day she's so far away haven't seen her in years but we talk daily.
What I haven't done is really sit down and talk about whats going on and really apologizing with out justifying. I need to do that , I haven't spoken bad about my AH since he's been gone. I haven't really said much at all. I just don't know where to begin or what to say about it all.
When he left for rehab we both sat down and talked to them about what was been going on and how he was going away to get the help he needs.
We apologized for the arguments and such they saw. We reassured them it was not there fault and had nothing to do with them.
Then he was kicked out and took off
Now I'm not sure what to say about it. I think I need to start by being honest about what I did do and not say anything about what he's doing now. I think it should be about me and my kids not him but what do I say when the ask about him and what he's doing ?