I spent nearly 5 years "mentioning" her drinking before she truly admitted it to herself. Today in recovery, she has told me that she knew it was a problem even before I "mentioned" it. She too spent some time on a high horse pointing fingers at others with problems, that too is a game played, "I'm not as bad as..." If you look carefully at everything, there are bound to be places where he may not be shirking, but slipping in his "duties" weather it's at home with the family or some other part of his life. Like I said there is a progression, and you will be amazed at how closely your life has followed.
Do both of you some good, even if he doesn’t, look into Al-Anon. Regardless if he ever seeks help, they will help you better handle situations that are bound to come up. Every alcoholic has a bottom, some just fall further than others. Here’s hoping your isn’t too far down.