Am I overreacting?
Hi, I'm new. I posted yesterday but gremlins must have eaten it. I've been wondering something for a while, or maybe worrying about something would be a better way of putting it. I've been married for 15 years, we have two elementary age children. My husband is extremely successful in his field and very well respected and liked at both work and in the community/neighborhood. (which I think kind of makes things more difficult, if that makes any sense). He also drinks every night after he gets home from work or whatever activity he might have, up until the time he goes to bed.
When we first married he had a tobacco habit that he quit after a doctor scared him to death. He drank pretty much what I would consider normally for a young person - weekends and sometimes during the week - I would join him sometimes. As the years wore on it picked up some. Once in a while he would remark that he was going to cut back to just weekend drinking again, which he would, for a while. For the past few years it's been daily again, with no mentions of cutting back. The amount has also increased from a "few" to maybe a 6-pack or more. The reason he gives for drinking has always been because he loves the taste of beer. Lately, however, he's been buying and mixing in Mike's Hard Lemonade so that he's maybe drinking three of those along with three beers. This is very out of character as he always made fun of those type drinks. I looked on the side of the bottle and they have a higher alcohol content than his beer does. He usually drinks a bit more on the weekend and even more at parties.
If we go somewhere where we can't drink (he won't drink then drive), and get home very late, he still has to have his alcohol before going to bed. This has resulted in some interesting manipulations on his part. I'll say I'm tired, it's midnight and I want to go to bed, and he's begging me to stay up and watch a show with him, just a short one. I know perfectly well what he wants to do, and sure enough he downs several beers or whatever fairly quickly. Once when for some bizarre reason we didn't have any beer in the house on a Sunday (I think this has only happened once) he actually opened a bottle of wine - this was so strange to me I had to comment on it. We keep some wine bottles for company but he is NOT a wine drinker and has said he dislikes the taste. He just laughed and said he was going to try something different. "why not?" he said.
I have never been much of a drinker but as a result of his drinking behavior I have stopped drinking altogether. It's like the more he drinks the less I want to have anything to do with it. And he keeps trying to get me interested in drinking with him. I have just become so turned off to it, and unfortunately to him in the process. I wish I could change that, but right now I can't, and it's starting to be a problem. I think it's maybe because he doesn't/won't admit he has any problem at all. He'll sit there and drink and start falling asleep during tv shows and he has a terrible enough memory as it is but it's getting worse. He sleeps horribly, has terrible apnea that surgery and a C-PAP don't have much under control. And all that beer/carbs have added so much weight to his stomach (like maybe 50lbs) and I know that is not healthy, in spite of his daily exercise. I feel like he's a ticking time bomb.
As a result of some of my feelings I started with a counselor a few months ago. We've talked a lot about my husband's anger management problems and how I can learn to deal with things from my perspective. It was only last week that I got up the courage to mention my husband's drinking! The counselor does feel like he has a problem. Of course it's all complicated, it always is. My husband has a sister-in-law who is a drug addict-always has been since age 14 and who lost her children for a while because of it. Husband has always called her horrible names because of it and held himself up so much higher. I can't imagine that he would EVER allow himself to be seen as an addict of any sort himself. EVER. The counselor also told me to not mention anything about my husband's drinking to him any more. I'd already stopped doing that. He said he has to hit his own personal rock bottom, whatever that may be, and that nothing I simply say to him will cause him to stop drinking.
Well, I've gone on long enough. The thing is, we have a family church event coming up in a few weeks where we will be away from home for two nights. There is absolutely no alcohol allowed where we're going - I think we may even need to check in any prescription medications we have so that kids don't accidentally get into them in our suitcases. My counselor told me to be careful, that my husband may have a very hard time going two nights without alcohol. I can't remember the last time he went a day without alcohol...even when he's sick he usually manages one or two. Are there things I should be looking for?
Opinions? Am I overreacting?