bluebelle

I haven't posted an update on here in a long while. My AH has been in recovery for about 5 months. He's made some changes in his life--he's gotten out of old using situations, gotten away from certain "friends," reconnected with old friends, etc. His DOC was codeine. I've been doing o.k., although I worry way too much about things going back to the way they were. I know that I have a huge tendency to try to control him, tell him how he should do things, etc. Anyway, last night I noticed that he seemed to be in my drawer where my medicine is. So, tonight when he had disappeared to the back, I quietly walked in, and once again he was looking through my medicine. I don't have any codeine, but I think he was looking for my Xanax. He likes to take it sometimes to help himself sleep. He claimed that he was looking for his own medicine (why would it be in my drawer)? He got mad when I said that he was going through my medicine. He said, "You're not going to bring up that medicine thing again?" He said he was tired of me bringing that up. He said if I was worried, I should hide my medicine, and why don't I count it?

Anyway, all this brings back all those old feelings. I felt my heart rate speed up, etc. I have a tendency to make something out of nothing sometimes (a creative imagination). However, I really think that he was going in there to take one of my Xanax. He knows that I don't like him to take my medicine. He knows that if he brought it up, I'd probably get "weird" about it. In general, he has a tendency to want to avoid conflict.

I don't think that he is back on codeine. However, I hate this dishonesty, I hate the sneaking around, and as you can imagine, it makes me nervous about what else is going on.