Congratulations on 5 days sober!
That's a wonderful start!!!
Your depression has been going on for a long time. Have you ever gotten any treatment for it? Depression *is* treatable. And the treatment *is* effective.
But, your depression has been exaserbated by the drinking. So, it's been magnified. It's really important that you stay sober and get support to help you past this dark time.
And in the meantime, try to take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Yes, it's a tall order, especially when we aren't doing well. So, start small. Do one thing but make a committment to do it every day. It could be going to an AA meeting and working those steps as Best suggests. It's a spiritual program, afterall. Then, when you begin to feel better, add another.
Are you getting treatement? Are you on an antidepressant? For severe depression, it's important that you get treatment too. A bandaid will not fix a chemical imbalance. Please do take care of yourself.
And let us know how you're doing. We care...
Shalom!