I spent the first half of my life reinventing myself by changing my geography. it worked in certain ways but didn't work in others.
The second half has been spent giving kind attention to my own evolution, and letting myself change without judgment. That meant a lot of old patterns coming unravelled. Among other things, I had to learn to listen to my small, still voice inside when it said things like:
--You know.....I really don't feel like calling that person back. So I won't.
--I'm COMPLETELY uncomfortable here and I'm going home even if people will think I'm a little looney
--I get a weird vibe from that person and I don't know why (so I'm gonna trust that my spirit knows something my brain doesn't yet, and I'm out o'here)
--I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about hanging out with X or Y or Z. I'm tired of that; I'm going to start listening to my stomach.
--What am I doing with people who drink 'til they fall down, or people who fool around on their gf/bf, or people who are dishonest with me and themselves? Are these the kinds of people I want populating my life?
So hard at first, though! After years of pleasing people, of doing whatever it took to be "normal" and accepted and liked, it took some time to break the codie patterns. It's a practice, something you work at (like denny says) with actions rather than words, so your body learns the lessons in its very fibers.
Wishing you lots of strength and luck, Angelus. You're terrific and deserve to clean out some of the uncomfortable people and situations that don't feed you -- to make room for the relationships that DO feed you. And they'll come.