Can I share an experience? My sister was in an abusive relationship for 15 years but was too scared and ashamed to tell anyone. She finally gathered the courage to tell my parents. Within 24 hours, she and her kids were safe and he was in jail. Our family rallied around her and moved heaven and earth to make sure she was OK and got the help she needed. When someone you love is in desperate trouble, you don't waste time judging them, you just help. If my husband were in your situation, I'd be honored if he came to me for help. Really.