Rob it's time to surrender. What you have done has gotten you right where you are now.
By surrender I mean stop trying to do things your way. Stop listening to yourself and start listening to others. Listen to what has been told to you in this thread and do what people are telling you to do. It's that simple Rob. Just surrender your self will and let others help you. It's time to let go and let others show you the way to a better life.
Follow directions of recovering alcoholics who have sobriety and know how to keep it.
Thats what I'm doing and it has worked for 65 days so far.
Give it up bro.