Least
I care for you. I've read of your struggles. I wish it could be easier for you. I wish each of us could take just a little of your pain.
You cannot go through this again. Perhaps if you write about it and print it out, it might help you through regaining sobriety.
While I didn't have anything resembling detox, I don't ever want to go through that first week again. When I get crazy, I read my first posts here. It reminds me of how far I've come, of how much I have to lose just by having a silly beer.
Easy for me to say, right? Perhaps. But the road here (nearing 50 days) wasn't easy. But it was worth it. I am at a place now where I can look the demon in the eye. I simply surrender by not drinking. My only weapon is not engaging him.
Get some help, my friend.
warren