Hey Fluffy...
I understand what is happening to you, and I am glad that you posted this instead of hiding the monster...I just woke up feeling that I wanted to take more of my methodone pills than I am supposed to take, and I am not kidding. I have been fighting this monster all month, and am now stronger than it. Right now. And that is what you should only be thinking. Methodone isn't the answer, if you are striving for abstinance, and I can tell you already that getting off of Methodone isn't a party...
My friend, this is our disease taking over. Look at what you are thinking. You are already at April 15th, the day when your out of the pills. You need the take one day at a time, and this is how you HAVE TO deal with the monster. Take today and make a plan to do ONE SOBER thing today.
You are nearing a crucial day, and yet, you already ruled out N.A. meetings, which you know YOU HAVE to go and I would start off by going to, today. It is imperative to also develop other sober networks that are there when a meeting isn't practical for you to go...Call the NA Hotline if you do not know where a meeting is or whatever.
I am not going to yell at you, like I did before (((sorry))). I know I am pushing the meetings onto you, but you need them and you need them now. Why wait until you are done with your poison to get the help you need.
Also, you know I was in relapse mode just one week ago. Urges are going to be there for a long, long time, Fluffy. I have had dreams, thoughts and urges when I have had a protracted period of sobriety. It is part of the monster's plan to destroy us, but we must strive to beat it.
I have had thoughts of using Heroin this month. I did the following. I spoke to my sponsor, I went to my usual 2 meetings a day with him, since I don't particularly love going to N.A. all the time. I posted here. I received so much support here at SR as well as in my "off-line" life!!
Bless Yourself, Fluffy. You need to be good to yourself. Just for today, okay!
