Hi, I want to start off by letting you guys know ( if you don't already) that it is not the same going out... IT DOES GET WORSE!!!
I am so very greatful to be back in recovery and thanks to my higher power...ALIVE!!!
I really missed posting on S.R. and reading and responding to how everyone has been doing. I went out for about 3 weeks, and now I have 5 days today-and I am very greatful for these 5 days.
I do understand how very lucky I am to be back, and I also need to remember what it is like out there and how bad it really is to be drinking and using. I guess I must have forgot and got a little too comfortable in my recovery. Or maybe it was my lack of recovery.
I do not want to sit here and try to figure out what went wrong or why it happened. But I do want to make sure I do everything I possibly can to make sure I am letting my higher power control and run my life, while I only do what is suggested of me to follow that control thru the 12 steps.
I really have missed you guys very much.
For the last 5 days I am going to 1 or 2 meetings a day and I am calling my sponsor every single day, along with other friends in the program. I am full force workin my steps, doing lots of writting--- mostly out of fear- fear of going out. I never ever want to drink or use again. It really makes me hate myself for doing it.
The book says "we do the same thing over and over expecting different results", well Kerry does the same thing knowing that the results are going to be the same or worse, but I still do it! WOW what a strong hold this disease can have, it is so sneaky and tricky.
Well, like I said earlier, I really have missed you guys and I am ever soooo greatful to be back.
Thank you for being here for me.
