I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Is there anywhere you could go to scream and just let it out. I have actually done that and as foolish as it sounds it does give some relief. I was actually quite embarrassed to do it but it sure helped. I will have to go to the friends and family forum and learn a little more about what is going on. I am glad you are posting here. We may not be able to change what is going on but sometimes it helps just knowing someone is listening and cares.