I do appriciate your help. I just feel so out of control I've never felt this bad before in my 56 years. I would give my right arm for a few ativan. but my shrink won't give me them anymore and I feel like I'm coming unglued. I'm glad that you understand me. I don't understand myself most of the time. I feel like i'm letting down my kids, myself, andmy dogs. I don't know what to do anymore. thank you for trying. you understand. that helps.