Hello Everyone,
I know the majority of the posts I have made since I joined this web site have been negative and full of frustration. Please allow me to apologize. The past 1 1/2 years has been such a roller coaster for me that one moment I'm up and the next I'm down. When I came here and read that people knew what I was going through, I just needed to express myself. I had never been able to show the sadness before!! Thank you all for allowing me to rant and rave!! You'll never know how much I depend and will continue to depend on this web site.
Now, the reason I'm putting up another post. Last night when I talked to my A I had a feeling he'd been drinking but put it off to the back of my mind. Then when he called me this morning I could tell he was drunk. Healthy, 8am and drunk!! Any ways, after some thought and consideration I have decided that I want off of this roller coaster. I had made a plan last year to leave but never did. When I came to this sight seeing Smoke ALWAYS encourage a plan, I decided to pull mine out and kept it close. As of today, I have put my plan into action. I am going to end all communication between me and my A (he's still on a binge right now and unreachable. Once he sobers up I will tell him it's over) and end things for good. No one should ever have to endure what we have but being 23, I figured if I do this now I have time to heal and just be alone for awhile (which is something I've never done but want to know what its like!)...NO MEN (for now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> ) I'm scared to death of the in-between but I will embrace it with such open and happy arms!!
I'm sharing this with you guys because with your words of encouragement, your sternness and wise words, I have finally seen that I am worth something! And the only way to get that something is to live life for me and only me. I am powerless over my A.
Ogly...I AM STEPPING BACK!!
THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!