Your dad didnt set out to purposely screw up your life. Took me many years to finally come to the realization as someone that had an alcoholic mother. I was fortunate that she did not develop a problem till I was around 17, I moved out shortly thereafter. She lost her job, her home and her marriage. It made me sick to be around her couldnt stand the babbling and crap that came with it. She never took responsibility it was always some ones elses fault. She would dump all her problems on me constantly anyone that would listen. I put up with it for years. All part of the addiction. Had I had had a site like this I think I would have handled things very different. You sound very mature and the fact that you are venting is a good think. The addict can make us just as sick as they are. Take time for you, if he is rambling even try a nice long walk sounds a bit silly but removing yourself from the situation sometimes helps keep us in tact. ((((( hugs))))