((((((34022))))))
You are not a jerk. Reading your words probably makes a lot us wonder why we want to hear an apology
Is your dad receiving any kind of therapy? It kinda sounds like he may need some medical care. All the repeating words sounds like he may have an undiagnosed problem.
It is possible for you to detach with love from your dad. You can set boundaries with him. Maybe tell him you will listen to him talk for 10 minutes or until he starts repeating himself which ever comes first.
Do you have other siblings? What is your birth order? Do you work or go to school? What kind of activities do you participate in? I hope you are not isolating yourself from others. You deserve to be able to have a life. Often times people in your situation cut themselves off from the rest of the world because they feel like they are too different from others.
The isolation thing is one of the reasons why alanon is a good idea because it gives you a reason to get out. They will teach how to detach with love and help you understand yourself and give you tools to help you be who you are. Living in active addiction has a way of making us sick too. It is said that we even get sicker than them.
I grew up with an alcoholic dad and a drug addicted/over eating mom. I know if I had sought support that I would not have made some of the mistakes in my life that I have made. Cause many of the mistakes I made were because I did not know how to cope with my family's secretes.
I get angry sometimes that I need a support group to be able to cope with it all. But it is better than not dealing with it head on because I tend to go into denial and isolation if I don't seek help. Venting is good and has it's place but, it is not going to help me change. Yes I said I am the one who has to change. It seems unfair that they have this problem and now I have to change. Again living with it makes us sick too.
I think it is great that you have reached out. It is proof that you are strong. You seem to be a pretty good writer. You also seem very intelligent. Keep posting you will get thru this.