You don't sound like a jerk, you sound like a person who has had to go through more crap than anyone should have to. I wish I could say more to help, other than just hang in there or keep coming back to this site. I do think getting it off your chest will help, but it seems like you need more. Is there a relative you could stay with for a while? Someone mentioned talking to a school counselor, is that something you would be willing to do if it meant that you had to leave your home? I'm not trying to tell you what to do, only give you some options. When I was in high school, my best friend stayed with me for over a month while her family went through problems. It was hard for her at first, but it did seem to get better after that. Just try to take some steps for yourself, and take it easy on yourself.