I was downstairs earlier, just to put some bottles of water into the fridge to chill. I've been trying to stay upstairs and away from the drama as much as possible, but any chance my dad has to talk to me he'll take. He apologized 4 times about telling me the same stories over and over. He said he wants me to not get mad at him, and that he wants to keep communication up with me, and he's jealous of my relationship with my mom. Now I know to some people that's going to sound like a good thing maybe, but I just wanted to start yelling. He's missing the point entirely. I'm not mad at him for acting stupid and telling me the same things over and over. I'm mad at him because he's been an alcoholic since I was born, and he did meth for 5 plus years. Why does he not see that?
As much as I want to just get it off my chest and lay it all on the line, I can't even tell you guys how certain I am that it's going to end in a huge uncomfortable weepathon that I really don't want to deal with. He's just not all there. He's trying to make himself feel better and be my friend while taking no responsibility for himself or his family. I don't even know what I'm asking, I'm just venting I guess.. because this whole situation is so messed up. Why does he feel like I owe him anything? He says we haven't talked much lately.. yeah if lately is 8 years. He only wants to talk now because my mom cut him off of booze for a couple weeks, and then he stole the car to go to the liquor store and buy a bottle. Only after that did he decide to be social and have all these ridiculous confessions and heart to hearts. I seriously can't listen to him hiccuping in the morning and saying um 500 times a minute anymore. If he snags me one more time and tries to have another talk with me, I'm gonna lose it.
I know I must sound like a jerk, but really.. I'm so fed up. I don't owe him anything, and I wish he'd leave me alone. I don't want to be friends. Unfortunately I'm trapped in the same house with him, and he doesn't seem to be letting up. If it keeps up, I know I'm going to verbally explode on him, and I promise that it would only end after he cried for hours and made me say I forgave him. I'd have to, just to get out of the conversation. There's absolutely no other way he would ever drop something like that. If I went upstairs to get away from it he'd call me and cry more and keep apologizing. I'd rather chew glass.
I don't know. Once again, I hope that makes sense. I do go back through what I wrote and do a proof read before I post, but it seems like I'm just rambling. I hope people know what I'm trying to say. At this point I'm wishing I could just pick up and move or something, but I can't even drive.