My first post. Please read.
I'm not sure if I'll be comfortable talking here or not just yet. I've been looking around for hours though, and this seems to be a helpful place.
Ok, I can't sleep right now. I've been up all night because I found out that my dad was addicted to meth. He isn't anymore, but it doesn't matter to me. When he said that to me, it's like everything fell into place for the past 10 years of my life and hit me like a ton of bricks. That's why his health went downhill so badly. It's why he hasn't worked a job in as many years. Why my mom almost divorced him. It's why things would turn up missing, and money was sparse. All the late nights and tinkering and being away from home.
See, neither me or my mom have gotten along with him particularly well in a long time. I always thought that his problems stemmed from alcoholism and laziness. He spent so much of the past decade drinking on the sofa. This puts everything in a whole new perspective though. I can't believe he would just disregard his family like that. I already had issues with him, but this is bordering on unforgivable. He's a complete mess, and now I know why.
He told me that my mom knew about it, which is another shock. I don't know why he told me in the first place, and though it may not be the consensus for this board, I really wish he hadn't. I feel like he's made my family dysfunctional, and ruined my mothers life, and now he's trying to just get it off his chest. The way he told me even was so casual that it makes me sick. He even told me the pocket he used to keep his pipe in, like it was more remembering and recalling than confessing.
If I bring it up to my mom, it's going to cause a major ordeal. Obviously she thinks I don't know, and if she saw how angry and upset I am it would definitely end badly. I could see them splitting up over it even now, and that would likely mean death for my dad, since he depends on my mom for everything.. especially health insurance. He's had 2 strokes, congestive heart failure, high blood pressure, diabetes, you name it. He can't even really walk. He falls down and I've had to call 911 more than once because he can't stand up after he does.
If I bring it up to my dad, he's just going to do what he always does, and never stop talking about it. He'll ramble on in his broken awkward way until he's all broken down in tears, and I'll do what I always do and completely shut off and want to leave. There's no way out of it unless you just tell him it's ok 40 times. His brain is just too messed up to have a normal conversation. I really don't see a way to work through this, and with the state my dad is and has been in, there's not really a chance for normalcy anyway. I feel like he just went out of his way to screw up my life.
Anyway, I hope that makes sense. I just feel sick and can't sleep. I'm shocked, and disgusted. I don't know what to do. Sorry for the ramble.