Can you hear me?
The ‘caine is not gone. It is always there.”
The question is what will you “do” differently this time around? I highly recommend one CA meeting today – and maybe starting a thread in the 12 step section on this site.
I don’t know where you got the idea that meetings are supposed to make you “feel good,” right away. For me, it was the program that made me feel better once I took the "action." I know many people that have had to drag themselves to meetings for a while before they began to like them – but they really, seriously wanted off and were willing to “do” what it took to find help.
I was one of the ones that liked meetings at first, but later found I had to drag myself to them. I don’t go because each meeting makes me “feel good” (although most of the time, when my head is right, I do feel better afterward); I go because in those rooms there is a solution to our problem.