All you are doing is making excuses to not get clean and enjoy it.You have been so consumed and psychologically altered from Meth and a addict's lifestyle, you don't see the true beauty in sobriety.
The damage Meth does to the brain is very severe.Eventually it will catch up with you.Until you realize you are sick of the deception and hiding, you won't stop.I hope you do realize that this drug is not the answer to all that ails you. You have to not just get sober, but get involved in a recovery program and stick with it.With the way you view your use, sobriety is not enough.Educate yourself on what you have been doing to yourself all this time.
Ultimately, no one can make the choice but you.I will add that a few weeks ago, a friend of mine took his own life due to his meth addiction.He sounded allot like you for a long time, then out of the blue-he ended it all.Hopefully, you won't let your addiction drive you to that point.