My story
Hello everyone. I need to share my story for two reasons. First, to let everyone know what they already know-that cocaine is an evil, evil drug. Second, so that I can start moving on.
I met my fiancee about 2 1/2 years ago. She was one of the most wonderful-the kindest, most giving person I have ever known. she would give you her last dollar if she needed it. Plus she was beautiful, and funny.
Anyhow, after a few weeks together we both knew that we were meant to be a couple. I had been in a bad marriage before, and this was the first time I had experienced true, unconditional, romantic love. I couldn't wait for work to end to I could get home to see her. We shared so much together in that 2 years. Each of us had kids, and she was very proud of the fact that we had worked to hard to blend our families. We talked about growing old together, and the hope that brought me was beyond compare.
After a couple of months together, she told me that 2-3 years before we met, she had been raped, and developed an addiction to cocaine as a result (to numb the pain of the rape). But she went to treatment and was clean and sober when we met. During the 2 years together, she had a couple of relapses, but always straightened out.
But last fall her mother died unexpectedly, and it took a huge toll on her. She had several relapses after that. I begged her to go back to treatment. She said she could handle recovery on her own. I threatened, pleaded, moved out, etc. But I knew that she was going to have to decide for herself that she needed help. She had made an appointment with a counselor that was coming up. So she was moving in that direction.
A month ago, I came home on a Saturday and found her relapsed. I was angry and crushed. So I told myself that when she sobered up, I would tell her that I was postponing the wedding until she could stay sober for 6 months. When I went back to check on her an hour later, she was dead. The addiction and stress of the rape had weakened her heart, and she had a heart attack.
This was a beautiful and vibrant 40 year old woman. She did not need to die. She had everything in her life going right, for the first time in a very long time.I wish I could have done more, but as you know, the addict has to decide she needs help. Now I have to pick up the pieces and move on. The past month has been tough, but I'll get past it, I know.
I am a Christian. Before, I used to scoff at the idea of the devil on earth. But now I truly believe that cocaine is pure evil-the devil himself in powder form (I don't know much about crack and meth, but I suspect you could say the same thing about them).
I only hope that your addicts do not wind up like mine. If it helps, please share this with them
Thank you for listening.