i had similar experience to justoleme and frstnm.
with a bit of recovery under me belt, i decided it was ok to try 'controlled drinking'. 9 months of progress gone, and another crack binge later, i got a sponser.
the next 9 months i did what i had done the first time, just meetings, no steps.
Still defenseless, i picked up the rocks and the bottles one day and didnt quit for about a month.
i never stopped going to meetings, never lost the desire to recover, though.
Beaten once again, i surrendered, and started working the 12 steps from the NA stepworking guide at a stepworkshop meeting, and also with my AA sponser from the big book and 12x12.
my clean date is 7/19/04.
i'm pretty cautious today and i try to practice the principals of recovery in all my affairs now. Note, i said practice... Addiction is chronic, im not cured, but i've found balance, and my life is pretty good again, i have hope, happiness, new relationships, freedom from active addiction.
I dont have to pick up today. I never have to go through that hell again. neither do you. NA showed me the way to recovery.