ksos

*FH*

Hopefully, by the time I am done with this post response, my inaccurate one will be removed! :sorry

I am struggling to come up with a cogent thought regarding your actual post, which, in a way, makes complete fiscal sense. In fact, it makes perfect fiscal sense, for spending $1500.00 a month on something other than street dope will not eventually bankrupt you, or kill you if you happen to get some "bad" s--t that has something else in it. But, you need something other than methodone, which I will express to you as my opinion, later on.

I am on methodone for chronic panreatitis and am tapering off of it. It is medically supervised, I am tested now once a month for illicits for my tox screen came back positive for other opiates and benzadiazipines, which angered my Pdoc so much that I nearly was administratively terminated from his pain management practice.

I would hate to recommend my treatment to anyone, and as I am not a physician, I won't. I will say that, despite being as high as 150 MGs per day on Methodone as well as being treated for panic disorder with as high a dose as 20 MGs per day, as an addict, I still wanted to use other drugs. Again, this is just me. Many other methodone users use it as directed for pain conditions and as treatment for illegal and dangerous opiate withdrawal.

I know and understand the "common sense" approach you present. However, I look at these words and think that you are treading on dangerous grounds:

i've used other drugs, but never had a problem with them. why? because it's only opiates that really "fix me." fix my brain problems, i mean. i'm not depressed when i'm high! and i do a really good job at work!! i was on oxycontin the whole time i was in college and i graduated with honors!!

I know I snipped out the part that started off as "I hate the drugs..." and you are angry about what has happened to you by using them.

However, if you can spend that amount of $1500.00 on using illicit chemicals that alter your mind, why not consider getting off of ALL drugs by entering a treatment facility?

If you are going to tell me that you have a job which prohibits this, I can tell you that I have had jobs, too. Excellent ones, ones which allowed me to live in expensive houses, with my family, I was able to drive my luxury cars to work every day, I was a provider to my daughter and my wife and we lived in homes which had beautiful gardens-- where my 2 purebred dogs used to enjoy, as well as my beautiful child learning how to garden. I also was highly regarded and revered in my profession.

All of what I just told you, went away because of opiates. I am now divorced after 17 years and the divorce was primarily based on my refusal to stop using opiates. I had also lost contact with my daughter because her mother did not want her around me anymore and told her that I "was a bad daddy who drove his car like a madman and was addicted to heroin." I have not seen or heard from my child in over 3 years, based on her own legally binding reason which was that "My daddy uses drugs."

I now owe over $120,000 to my family since my opiate addiction and this includes methodone, because I was too high to even report to my job.

Yet, I was lucky about three things. First, my family is now paying for me to remain in my condominium, one which I purchased with the proceeds of the assets received in the divorce. Secondly, I must get off of all drugs very soon because I will ultimately use uo the rest of the equity I still have in this residence. I am truly blessed. Third, and perhaps most important, I have NA in my life and a sponsor who kicks my a$$ whenever I get thoughts of using, manipulating, and escaping.

I have lost an immense amount of people, things, and myself. Others may not have lost as much, but others have lsot much, much more than I have.

FH. Do yourself a favor and think about what can really happen, for Methodone is not a cure-all for you, in my opinion. You need to consider what I said earlier in this note. Your addiction is a disease and it is is out of control. Another opiate will not stop the process, in my humble opinion.

Your life is on the line, and you need not worry about what "others" will think about you, or about the other "barriers" to sobriety you have put into place. Stop the insanity, before you end up destroyed, and I mean that in every sense of the word.