Thanks for advice ksos and ccgirl. ksos, I really do have uncontrollable pain conditions, and I do use other therapies (such as exercise, advil, bengay pain patches, and muscle rubs). I was in the clinic mostly for pain control rather than adiction (I would prefer suboxone for addiction only). The pain came after I had been sober for a year or so. I mostly do fine, except this past month from the stress. My doctor is very good I don't want to leave. I also don't want to be "dumped" cold off my pain plan so I am careful, but just needed to hear some good hard advice and maybe get a little "verbal encouragement/"beating" for the relapse. I could skip a couple of days of methadone dosing at the clinic because they put me up too high, and I wanted to go down quicker than they would let me. They were impressed with me, they said that most people whined if they missed one dose. I want to make sure I NEVER screw up again! I do have someone holding my medication for me and dispensing it daily, and I am going to attend more meetings as long as I need to. I am also going to enroll in addiction counceling once my medicaid kicks in. I think those steps will help. But I needed to post my shame, so that I can read this thread each time I feel like taking "extra" meds, drinking, or taking other meds not prescribed to me. I almost wanted to ask the administrator of this site to ERASE this thread because I am so embarrased of myself! But I am leaving it right here as a reminder that I do still have the disease of addiction and need to BE CAREFUL, and attend meetings and continue to get help, especially reguarding pain control and addiction. I am going to be true to my contract and use non-narcotic pain relief methods instead of asking for an increase of my methadone unless my doctor decides to increase it themself.
Thanks
Jaz