Welcome!
Hmm, if you're so sure you don't belong here, then I wonder why you are searching for answers here? At any rate, I'm very glad you found us, because we offer lots of support.
You sound very similar to me when I stopped drinking. Personally, I think alcoholism is always a symptom of deeper problems. That's why stopping drinking is the beginning of the healing. Then comes working on the deeper problems.
I don't know if you're an alcoholic or not, only you can decide that. But, if you are, there is no going back to drinking alcohol as intended. If you are not an alcoholic, then there should be no problem at all to stop drinking. It sounds like you do have problems when you stop drinking.
I know for me, I had to get my depression properly treated before I could stop drinking. When I was depressed I just didn't care enough to put the effort into sobriety that I needed to. I can tell you that you can win the battle with depression and low self-esteem. It's not simple and it's not quick, but you can do it. You can soar, you can live your life.