One last note:
*Active* addict = lying, lying by omission, deceiving, manipulating, etc. ALWAYS.
He hasn’t been “brutally honest” with you from the start. And now he told you he wouldn’t use his tax refund for drugs, which was a bold-faced lie. I’ll wager he’s been obsessing about using that check long before it arrived.
Many addicts will “come clean” or be “SEMI-brutally honest” about what they’ve done during a recent run if they think you will find out about it from some other source. Same goes for being “brutally honest” about their past (read: lying by omission). This gives the illusion they are remorseful and honest and all what else. But they aren’t. It’s purely and completely a manipulative move. Also, if he’s been disappearing for hours, or a day, his telling you he was using isn’t “honesty” since you’ve most likely figured out he was using anyway.
As far as the cheating goes, crack is the purest form of cocaine, and we all know what coke does for someone’s libido. Well, crack is FAR more potent. True, the longer someone uses, the less likely they are to “get it up” and have an orgasm, but this does not mean that they don’t engage in some sort of sexual activity, like oral sex. Maybe they don’t engage in the activity every time, but it’s more than likely they do most of the time.
But the thing that many people don’t stop to think about is disease isn’t just passed through intercourse or dirty needles. Diseases – life long diseases other than HIV/AIDS – can be passed through oral sex as well as just sharing a crack pipe with an infected user.
So, in the long run, it doesn’t matter if he was intimate with someone else. The most important thing for you right now should be to get tested ASAP because he may already know he has a disease but has declined to tell you.
If you haven’t been tested before, it’s about as stressful as all hell waiting for the results, and you’ll have to do it one more time 6 months later. But when the test comes back “negatory!”, you’ll be SO glad you did it and will be SO happy the nightmare is totally behind you.