Eat without him, sweetie.
You've got some time, so read up above on the stickies some more. You've been a single mom for some time, so you know you can do it again. When you are ready to STOP thinking about HIM and realize that it's much easier and calmer to just keep the focus on you, you will find your answers. When you are ready to accept the fact that nothing changes unless YOU are willing to make the change, you will begin your new life that doesn't depend on someone else's whims.