You know, Im probably out of line posting here but ask yourself this. "What do you get out of feeling depressed?" Im not trying to be a smart a.. I know this must be extremely difficult for you but listen to these people who know what they are talking about.
Hit yourself in the head a few times and ask yourself 'why' do I want to feel this way. You CAN feel so much better if you commit to wanting to feel better. Find other outlets to help enjoy life. Get busy with something you might enjoy. The more you do it, the better you may feel. Its like the more you feel depressed, the more you feel down.
Let go of the past and move forward in a new life. Please try Paulos, you are worth it. Life can be so wonderful if you talk to yourself everyday. Im sober, and I still need to talk to me too. Life is an experience, so learn from it.
Please get some serious professional help and commit.