I would try the outpatient program. If only because they test your urine and it's a bit of added incentive. Also, if at some future time you find that inpatient treatment is the only thing that is going to help you, the only way insurance will cover the inpatient is (generally) if you have a documented failure with outpatient. (Not saying you will or should fail for this reason, but just sayin'...)
This is very interesting to read. I have just over six months and am in sort of that "relapse will never happen" mindset. Yet, I was once in the hopeless state you describe and, but for the grace of god, could so easily end up back there.
When I was drinking my head off during my back injury which lead to spinal surgery, I had a serious case of the "I'll quit whens..." I'll quit when I'm not in pain constantly, I'll quit when money is not a constant struggle with my health insurance premiums, I'll quit when...you name it. Trouble is, when all those conditions were satisfied, new ones popped up in their place.
You said that you had mentioned your relapse to some of your fellow AAers. (I am saddened and dismayed by the reaction you have gotten, btw.) I have heard so many stories about people skulking around the rooms at the same time they were active, so I appreciate your honesty. Maybe make a promise to yourself to share about it whenever you pick up? I find telling others about things I'm ashamed about, particularly repeatedly such as I did in fourth step last night, has an effect that simply knowing about them in my own head does not produce.
Thanks again for sharing what you did. It really helps me, and I hope you find the path that brings you to a more serene and spiritual way.
Originally Posted by
User_Name 
Hello all, I'm currently going through a situation where I need to make some changes. I am currently in AA but I am struggling to put together any time. My first attempt in the program I had like 80 days and went back out for one night. The last 2 weeks I have been drinking at night after the meetings, yet still attending them. I spilled the beans to a few members today and told them I need to make some changes in my program and do something new.
I am currently on disability from my job (which really eats me up inside, the thought that I am disabled). I just got through making some phone calls to try to get into an intensive outpatient program but all offices are closed until tomorrow. The bottom line is that I am having trouble staying sober, yet I really want to make it work.
Do you folks agree that an intensive outpatient program would be a good step to take to get me back on track? I know my thinking isn't always the best so I wanted to run it by everyone here.
In AA I have a sponsor but he told me to wait 90 days before we start working the steps. I can't get 90 days sober so I don't know what to do. I really want sobriety but I cannot seem to keep it together. I was going to 1-2 meetings a day but still drinking. I think the first relapse I had made it easier for me to go back out again, since I was able to justify it in my crazy mind.
Anyone have any other suggestions? I am going to my shrink tomorrow and I am going to ask him also, but he isn't in recovery so I am not certain that he completely understands. Thanks again, I wish everyone well!
Also, please don't be upset with me I just don't know what to do. I live alone with my best friend (my great dane) and we both want me to be sober since we had a lot of fun when I was able to take him out and play. I always feel like crap when I have to reach out for help, I always think people are going to be mad at me.