Is this sound thinking?
Hello all, I'm currently going through a situation where I need to make some changes. I am currently in AA but I am struggling to put together any time. My first attempt in the program I had like 80 days and went back out for one night. The last 2 weeks I have been drinking at night after the meetings, yet still attending them. I spilled the beans to a few members today and told them I need to make some changes in my program and do something new.
I am currently on disability from my job (which really eats me up inside, the thought that I am disabled). I just got through making some phone calls to try to get into an intensive outpatient program but all offices are closed until tomorrow. The bottom line is that I am having trouble staying sober, yet I really want to make it work.
Do you folks agree that an intensive outpatient program would be a good step to take to get me back on track? I know my thinking isn't always the best so I wanted to run it by everyone here.
In AA I have a sponsor but he told me to wait 90 days before we start working the steps. I can't get 90 days sober so I don't know what to do. I really want sobriety but I cannot seem to keep it together. I was going to 1-2 meetings a day but still drinking. I think the first relapse I had made it easier for me to go back out again, since I was able to justify it in my crazy mind.
Anyone have any other suggestions? I am going to my shrink tomorrow and I am going to ask him also, but he isn't in recovery so I am not certain that he completely understands. Thanks again, I wish everyone well!
Also, please don't be upset with me I just don't know what to do. I live alone with my best friend (my great dane) and we both want me to be sober since we had a lot of fun when I was able to take him out and play. I always feel like crap when I have to reach out for help, I always think people are going to be mad at me.