I saw your other post saying this was the last time you try to quit on your own. I think the last time you tried should be the last time you tried. Get help! I spent the first year of my sobriety trying to run on Will Power and Hope. It wasn't working. I spent my time wishing I could drink like everyone else. Basically a "White Knuckle" ride and nothing more. I had been going to A.A. but I was just sitting in the chair waiting for Osmosis to transfer a better life to me. I was miserable, depressed and my life was spiraling to a certain demise. Just not drinking and occupying a seat wasn't enough. I finally gave in and started working the steps with a sponsor as a last ditch effort.
It was the answer I had been looking for. My whole attitude and outlook has changed for the better. I feel better about life and people like me now. Even my Wife likes me. There's an acomplishment if I've ever seen one.
Is life perfect for me now? No, it still tosses in some wrenches here and there. Some big wrenches and some small wrenches just the same. Just like before I quit, life happened.
I can deal with it now. The 12 promises do come true and I'm a living testimony.
All because I asked for help.