Paulos stop drowing yourself in your sorrows. You probably are a smart guy, actually I don't doubt that you are. You've dug yourself in a hole and its time to get out, you are starting to make a smell in there. You gotta seek some sort of treatment or program, man....its obvious to me that no one around you can help, so go find help. I believe in you man. Sometimes, you gotta help yourself. Take care.