BayAreaPhoenix

It's not that, but how can he say to me tonight, I guess there's no "fixing" this anymore. I said the time for fixing is a long time gone. His response was that everything is fixable.

What? Fixable to what? Why? I realize this is manipulation - it's just more of the same this week, but I can tell it snuck thru and hit a button. I seem to have had a hard week. Not in the sense that I doubt my decision or what I want or any of that, but how to get through the end of this with any dignity and grace.

He's so good. He's so good with words. ALL his intentions, I finally really realized this week, are and have always been through inflection, tone, facial expression, etc. If questioned, he can always truthfully say he only said xxx, but when confronted with the meaning he denies. It's one of the things that made me crazy. It's one of the ways he got me to stay as long as I did. How am I going to get through this? I feel, right or wrong, like I am getting set-up for the biggest slam. I am dreading this whole process - not that anyone wouldn't, it's difficult enough to get divorced, but this dread sank in this week. As I am writing, I don't think it's even manipulation into staying in the relationship, but this week I guess it's that I'm feeling like I"m getting manipulated, but I don't know why or for what purpose or towards what goal. It's so subtle, and I don't know if it's true or not, I can't and don't believe anything he says anymore.

I don't know, I guess I'm a little overwhelmed. I'm trying really hard not to obsess or think too much about this, and I've done so much better in these last months than this week. I'm hoping tomorrow is better.