Mskattie

I have been having a very difficult time after deciding No-Contact with my ex over 3 weeks ago. I had changed my numbers, I felt really good for a little while, I felt encouraged to start my new life without him.

Then, I started to miss him, a lot. The pain has been overwhelming sometimes to accept that it is over. I am starting to remember good times and good things about him. I dream about how we first met and fell in love with each other. BTW, he found a way to get my new cell phone number through mutual acquintance (so much of my attempts to change my numbers...). he has called a few times but I refused to answer the calls although it was very tempting. He never left voicemail anyway, as always. But, honestly, I often find myself wanting to reach out to him and have him back in my life knowing I am going to start the same cycle all over again.

Then, it happened. My ex called this afternoon. He found a way to call me at work and I picked up the phone. I actually ended up talking to him, hearing his familiar voice. Gosh I missed him...He acted as if we never broke up and said he just wanted to say hi and see how I was doing. This is his MO, trying to creep back into my life as if nothing ever happened between us. And, I had always surrendered in past, because the pain of not having him in my life was too bearable.

This time was different (I made it different). Before I get too used to his sweet voice, I told him not to call me anymore and it's over. straight out. This was the one of the hardest things I ever have done. I still love him so much but I let him go. I think he was surprised, since I never reacted this way when he tried to creep back in. He understood and ended the conversation. I don't think he will ever try to contact me, I think he finally got an idea.

I am having mixed emotions right now. Did I do the right thing? I think I did. But, why does part of me feel like I made a mistake, like I have let go of the love of my life. I feel so empty right now. He is gone from my life.