Outside looking in
We codependents sometimes have a hard time seeing ourselves in the light of day.
The first thing I would like to express to you Intentional that you need to just
Stop and take a deep breath!!!!!! Now exhale.
You are my mirror and I quote you
"My son wanted a BD party sleepover, and I told him I can't plan one cause I never know when Dad's gonna use..."
Please be aware that this is reinforcing the codependent lifestyle with your children.
By NOT planning something because of our AH's, this is enabling them to control US!
Look for alternative ways to have a sleepover. Maybe renting two adjoining motel rooms for the night and ask a couple of your girlfriends to join you for a girls night while the kids have fun, or maybe a night in a tent in a campground. Ask to hold it at a relatives house. Don't let the only reason not to hold it is because you do not know when your AH will use again.
If you would still like to hold the party at "your" house and I call it "your" house because you live there, then the rules, boundries and limitations that you set with your AH must be set in stone. I am more the willing to further expand on what boundries I have set for me and my AH to keep me and mine safe and warm.
I am here just like you because of my codependent behavoir and life with an AH.
Just for today I ask that my higher power give me the strength to see myself from the outside looking in and to break the codependent cycle with me and my family.
Hugs and be safe.
Mary