thanks guys, I don't know how these ppl are I haven't dealt with them in years......according to my mom they are trying to kill me( beginning to believe it) she is trying to make me see that this PO may be a friend of the original judge who I gave such a beating too ( not physically I am trying to have him disbarred)
I had a doozy of a panic attack yesterday and last night I am cool now I think.....not too sure.....I finally am finding my back bone again ( I lost it for a few days things are overwhelming me right now again in a BIG way) I am trying to get ahold of my judge and attorney's and deal with this PO matter already got ahold of the district attorney and he is trying to handle matters on his end........but I am having those damn deep ass panic attacks thinking about going back to prison, last night D just tripped out Baby Girl was growling and biting at him, He was sitting next to me trying to get me to calm down about it and the next thing I know I was hysterically crying and trying to breath and tell him I needed my nytro and baby did something she has never done before she balled up in my lap and started licking at my face ( something I ABHOR AND DO NOT ALLOW) and the more I tried to push her away the more almost-----I dont know but she wasn't letting anyone near me and wasn't letting me push her away it was like she was saying momma I am here I am what ya need........her growling at D and biting at him was what pulled me out of the panic attack basically
she was just acting so damn weird! Then when I was calmed down she crawled down and went to sleep at my feet.............huh?
Sometimes I think she should of been born a person.......I just sat there looking at her and started bawling all over again.....she IS my child.....ALLOT OF PPL DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS everything that I have in me left that I have never had the ability to give my sons is been put into my daughter.......SHE HAS A WARDROBE for gods sake! momma calls her my little fashion accessory........she has to match me and the vehicle we are in, should see her at football time she goes and gets her u of m blue and gold sweater to put on and she will bark at touchdowns ( ok for either team she just knows we get excited!) she sleeps with me every night either in my bed on in hers on my side of the bed on her bed.....she has her moods and I understand her well.......I know if I want to take a long shower and I am hurting that will be the night she wants to crawl in I used to think it was because she knew I wasn't feeling well, little did I know it was FOR that reason......lol
I just know if I go to prison I have to deal with the fact that I may never see my baby girl again, if I let her go to another family they wont take care of her like me.....it kills me to think of anyone putting their hands on my baby in anger or her being sick without me...........ugh..............sorry did it again, I am going to go to a meeting bbl I need interaction right now in a bad way............ plus I can take baby girl with me ( she gets spoiled so badly at the meetings!)
Hugs and Love,
Pamm