John just a couple of quick things, at this point in the game the most important thing is your sobriety, only you control that. Unless you stay sober anything you hope for at this point in the game is gone!
Right now you need to focus on getting to meetings, staying in touch with your sponsor, working the steps with your sponsor, get some service positions, pray, meditate.
Turn it over, all of it, you have absolutely no control over your wifes feelings for you, the only control you have which may or may not lead to the 2 of you working things out is staying sober and working the steps. You need to accept though that the 2 of you may never get back together.