New In Need Of Some Support
Hello,
My name is John and I need someone to talk to other than my parents, I think I am dragging them down and they are too old to have to worry about my life falling apart. I talk to my sponsor and he has good advice but I still feel need for more help.
I am newly sober (37 days) have been going to AA every day and trying to continue on with my life as per normal. My biggest problem/threat to my sobriety is my wife of 22 years is divorcing me. We dated for 3 years before marrying, so we have been together for 25 years. In a nut shell, my drinking is part of her reason but her main stated reason is she hasn't loved me for five years. I want desperately for her give me a chance to rebuild our relationship now that I am sober and she refuses, it's over, that's it. She already had a disollution proposal drafted up when she finally got around to telling me. It was delivered to my lawyer yesterday.
I had a suicide attempt last week which didn't help matters and I ended up in a pysch ward until they were sure I wouldn't harm myself or others. The thought of my kids kept me from going through with it if anyone is wondering.
So here I am, 45 years old, sober for the first time in about 7 years and my life is completely falling apart. I still love my wife and I know the only way I can show it is to let her go. I realize that life is not about my will, but it hurts so bad. I know it is about God and his will and about me moving on and helping others but I just can't shake the feeling that if I'm good enough she just may come back to me.
There was never any abuse verbal or physical, both my daughters are straight A students and I was a functioning alcoholic, highly successful and never missed a day of work. I let my wife do whatever she wanted and whenever she wanted, in fact my parents chide me about how nothing in my marriage is ever about me.
Well that's it, I know I need to let her go and yet I keep hoping now that some day I will get her back which is also wrong and not good for my recovery I think.
I really am anxious to hear what other people think about my situation and thank God I am staying Sober through all of this.
Love,
John