1. Can someone who has never been an addict REALLY understand/be in a relationship with an addict?
I don't see why not. When you really get down to it, how much do we ever really understand the people we live with? Addict or otherwise? All relationships require the same work and commitment and trust.
2. If we work this out and I ever really find out why he bailed, am I having a relationship with him, am I having a relationship with him and NA?
Any woman who decides to enter into a relationship with me will have to understand that The Fellowship of NA is an integral part of who I am and what I believe and that i will not be compromising my principles. I have many NA friends and we all speak the common language. I have many NA books and tapes which i read and listen to. I have sponsors and sponsees. She will be exposed to NA.
Sometimes we think there has to be a "reason" for a relationship to end. Sometimes people just stop loving each other. People change. We fall in love but sometimes we fall out of love too...
Good luck to you.