Praying to get better
Three days ago I ended up sloshed and don't recall much of the day. I haven't been picked up for protective custody since 2005. I was picked up for sort of an embarrasing thing three days ago. The incident happened at a local Cafe that I had been going since the 90's but I am too ashamed to step back into town.
I was under protective custody but I think "what if?" and those "what if's" are causing a lot of tension with me. My mind will come up with a thought and then it stays with me and can cause upset. Like this morning I thought "what if I did hurt someone?"
I gave my ID card to my Mother and told her to put it far away from me. I'm glad I made this move but overcoming the shame and regret I feel seems to be too much for me right now.
I am on medicine and am not suppose to drink, period. I'm a totally different person when very drunk. My medicine worked alright before my episode but now if feels like it isn't. I am back on schedule with it and I'm not sure when it will kick back in. The way my mind is, drinking is a no-option.
I'm going to hold off on making an apology until some time to the owner of the Cafe.
I'm praying for the medicne to work once again. Thanks for listening to me.