Thank you once again for posting Alanon literature! That whole thing so clearly outlines the behaviors of the alcoholic AND those around him/her.
I see myself and my past behaviors (ugh). Although I don't have it down "perfectly", I have been practicing, practicing, practicing (and it takes lots of practice--unfortunately the A in my life gives me plenty of opportunities to practice;-)
The feeling of empowerment when I do it well is so very gratifying. When I don't engage in my A son's behaviors, I feel strong (not smug). I feel like I DO have control--not of the alcoholic but of my OWN behaviors. I feel so much better when I don't engage. I feel like I have ended my own insanity. The really neat thing is that when I do mess up, forget to correct my behaviors and fall back into my "role", I can also immediately feel that it doesn't feel good.
Long established patterns are really hard to stop. Imagine how difficult it is for the A when there is the issue of addiction intangled in their behaviors. I don't feel sorry for my A son but I do feel compassion. I know that he is struggling with his disease and I can't do it for him.
Thanks again for sharing this wonderful excerpt!